No problem. Just... thoughts.

I'm not sure what to write about here today. It's been a while since I last updated, so I thought I should do that.

I'm again in the LNLS, taking new measures, at the small-angle x-ray scattering line this time. It's very different from XAS, since a measure takes about 15 minutes, so we can't just simply leave it running and go to sleep. It's almost 5 in the morning and I'm beginning to get tired...

My thoughts are not here with me, though. They are dwelling around someone, a beautiful girl from the south, actually. I gotta say, I didn't know what to expect when we first got together. However, as the current week went by, something has changed. And it is still changing. I think I'm falling for her.

I'm glad about it, but as usual my mind simply doesn't know when to stop working. I wonder if she feels the same way I do and I call myself ridiculous for having thoughts like these, for a number of reasons, but I can't help it. I think I just really want this to work, because she's such an endearing person.

Every single word I exchange with her makes me happy, every single moment I think about her makes me feel good. Every minute I spend away from her, I can only think of the next time I'll be seeing her.

I could go on and on here, ranting away about this. About how we have similar opinions in certain matters, stuff we like, words we say. But I have said enough, I think, so I'll stop here and have a good morning of sleep (since the night is almost over).

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'nuff said

It's amazing how certain things happen. Last night the little disaster of a couple weeks ago turned out to be just an opportunity which I happened to seize.

I'm glad I did.

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<insert witty title here>

Procrastination is taking its toll this week. After some time of doing little (mostly because of circumstances out of my control), I realize I need to take action. There were things that could have been done in this time, which I didn't, not because I don't think they are important, but because I simply forgot about them.

My advisor is absolutely right, I need to have more initiative; to be pro-active, using fancy vocabulary en vogue.

Anyway, I just hope I can avoid procratinating too much for the time being. Exercising my willpower and initiative will be my focus for the time being.

Soundtrack: Coldplay - +

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That was a good weekend. Now, back to work.

As things slowly get back where they belong, I begin to think what I'm going to write here about. I'm honestly not sure yet about what to write. It's easier to think about stuff when you have some subject that takes most of your thoughts during the day.

My new tow (the iriver ifp-790T I got last thursday) couldn't make me happier. I have not let it go for more than a few moments since I got my hands on it. I begin to wonder how have I lived until now wihtout it...

It has surely been a great help improving my humor on the last few days. It's capacity is not that big (only 256 MB), but it's enough for now. I won't complain: I consider myself a lucky guy.

After a few days of easy-going life, I think I'm going back to the crazy routine. Work is beginning to come in again, and I have an activity report due soon. Not to mention courses I'm taking.

If someone's wondering about the butterflies incident, I'm not fully healed yet. And I don't think I will be for some time. I tend to take my feelings to seriously and therefore it takes some time for me to accomodate all I have inside me. But I'm sure I am going to get over it eventually. Truth is, I just try not to think about it - my problem in these situations is precisely that: I think too much.

I'll stop here, before I stop making any sense. C ya.

Soundtrack: Deep Purple - Perfect Strangers

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And now, something completely different.

Estou cansado, é claro,
Porque, a certa altura, a gente tem que estar cansado.
De que estou cansado, não sei:
De nada me serviria sabê-lo,
Pois o cansaço fica na mesma.
A ferida dói como dói
E não em função da causa que a produziu.
Sim, estou cansado,
E um pouco sorridente
De o cansaço ser só isto —
Uma vontade de sono no corpo,
Um desejo de não pensar na alma,
E por cima de tudo uma transparência lúcida
Do entendimento retrospectivo...
E a luxúria única de não ter já esperanças?
Sou inteligente; eis tudo.
Tenho visto muito e entendido muito o que tenho visto,
E há um certo prazer até no cansaço que isto nos dá,
Que afinal a cabeça sempre serve para qualquer coisa.

(Fernando Pessoa)

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Not saturday night yet. But...

There's nothing like having good friends at times like these. Saturday and Sunday were simply wonderful: both days I spent with my friends trying not to ruin their fun.

I don't know if I succeeded at that, but at least it gave me time to think. Getting at home after meeting many friends and realize you're all alone is not easy, though. For me it's tough as hell - but I must do though with it. I'll emerge stronger on the other side.

She knows I like her. I'm not sure she understands how much, but it's a beginning. Now comes the really hard part: letting time take its course. I will certainly try to get closer to her, but by hard part I mean what I will do to myself. I think too much about this kind of stuff, measuring every action, pondering every word said, every possible hidden meaning, every minimal action, trying to make everything make sense. But, that's the way I am. It can be changed, but it's not easy nor is it fast. For example, here I am, writing my ass off, trying to explain to myself why did things come to this...

I just wish I could turn off my brain sometimes.

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Not that viewtiful

I'm not sure what to say, or think, or do.

I was expecting something like this. I'm not sure how, but my guts told me to expect that.

But I'm not prepared to write about how this week has been heaven and hell to me. I'm just glad it's over. 'nuff said.

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