"Comunicado de Encerramento" (não é o que parece!)

"Comunicado de Encerramento"...

li essas palavras ainda há pouco, na página de um concurso que estava prestando. Foi curioso ver esse anúncio, mas de certa forma senti uma certa satisfação.

Basicamente a mensagem desse comunicado disse que não houve nenhum candidato aprovado na primeira prova que foi aplicada, e por isso o concurso foi encerrado. Eventualmente ele será iniciado de novo, e supostamente outras pessoas vão se inscrever e, quem sabe, alguém finalmente seja aprovado.

Mas, de certa forma, não posso deixar de dizer:

bem feito.

A prova que foi aplicada forçou a barra. Uma coisa é eu não ter sido aprovado, e eu entendo que isso tenha acontecido porque meus conhecimentos de eletrônica nunca foram grande coisa (uma frustração minha, porque eu sempre quis estudar esse assunto e sempre procrastinei). Mas o ponto é que quando  31 pessoas se candidataram e nenhuma delas passa sequer na primeira prova alguma coisa está errada.

É compreensível que os responsáveis pelo concurso tentem configurar um nível de exigência que eles considerem alto, para ter certeza de que alguém bem qualificado seja selecionado. Entretanto, é necessário levar outros fatores em consideração, pois um exame exigente demais não vai filtrar, mas sim eliminar todo e qualquer candidato. No fim das contas, isso é desperdício de dinheiro público, pois mobiliza uma série de recursos e pessoas para um concurso infrutífero bem como do dinheiro dos candidatos, que pagam uma taxa de inscrição nada simbólica.

Não estou simplesmente ventilando a raiva por não ter passado: tenho consciência de que, se fui mal na prova, a responsabilidade (ou, pelo menos, a maior parte dela) é minha por não ter estudado o suficiente. Mesmo que não estivesse nem remotamente envolvido nesse concurso eu chegaria à mesma conclusão, de que esse concurso não foi levado a sério pelo(s) avaliador(es) responsável(is).

Eu bem que poderia continuar martelando nesse assunto, avaliando qual a função de uma banca de concurso, mas não é esse meu objetivo.

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Back to the new old life

I’ve had the time of my life in that wonderful city.

The above phrase expresses the core of the last three months: it was one of the most exhilarating periods of my life. When I arrived there, not so many weeks ago, I was not sure of what I was about to find, and I must admit, felt quite anxious about the people I was about to meet.

And then on the very first day all those worries vanished, as I realized that all my experiences would be good in the same measure of how I faced them, after all, as the saying goes, “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”. There’s nothing like meeting the right people at the right time.

I had already heard a lot about the city even before arriving there – everyone seemed to have an opinion about it, some of them not even having been there. I promptly ignored all of them, however; I wanted to experience it at my own pace, and in my own way.

The first week actually was one of the best; that time of discovery when everything is fresh and new usually is. It was no different for me, and even more so because at the end of that first week I had met a few very important people and had had a couple of very personal and cathartic experiences that completely changed certain aspects of my life that really needed a stir.

As the subsequent weeks went (actually flew) by I gradually settled down and started to feel at home there; I became used to the feeling of the streets, to the cosmopolitan aura about the “cafés” and parks and to that intoxicating vibe that dwells in the air; it’s not an easy feeling to portray. It is like, even though being a lot smaller than São Paulo, Buenos Aires is just as great, in its own way.

Regarding work, I feel like it was the most productive period of time I have ever had in a very long time. That was possible thanks to a handful of fantastic people I had the opportunity of meeting, work colleagues with knowledge and lots of enthusiasm, in an environment where I have never felt uncomfortable. Some people may disagree with that, but it was really refreshing to be in a different place after six years in the same lab.

I have had more than my fair share of mishaps, to be sure; not easy ones. With little effort I can remember at least four quick, terrifying, adrenaline-filled moments I managed to get through and laugh about later.

There was one thing I didn’t really enjoy, though. It was the constant feeling of saying good bye. For the duration of these months I got to meet a lot of people; and, at some point, I had to say good bye to them. It didn’t matter if they were just going home or moving forward in their journeys: I’m never good at saying good bye. The worse it feels, the worse I react. At some point, however, we need to realize that these moments are a part of life and that eventually we say those words to all.

It is my intention, however, to see you people again, and rest assured that I will. As I said on my last night in Buenos Aires, ”no digo adiós, digo hasta pronto”.

This is my last post in “Buenos Aires edition”. Next time Stairway to Geekiness will go back to the old, plain edition. But it’s never going to be the same.

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Life Trek - Boldly Going Where I've Not Gone Before

Passarei os meses de outono em terras portenhas!

Durante os meses de março a junho estarei residindo em Buenos Aires, e com alguma sorte vou colocar aqui algumas notas sobre essa experiência. Quem sabe assim, pelo menos, dou uma justificativa mais honesta à existência deste blog. Não que eu espere receber muitas visitas, mesmo porque blogs sobre a Argentina e Buenos Aires não faltam (é só jogar no Google e você vai encontrar alguns ótimos, como Buenos Aires, queridos, Buenos Aires Dicas e o excelente Cartas Argentinas).

Por enquanto, é isso. Fiquei enrolando pra ver se saía alguma coisa que prestasse para escrever aqui, mas na falta de idéias é melhor não enrolar, senão acabo falando bobagem.

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Google Wave, primeiras impressões

Comecei a usar o Google Wave há alguns dias.

Por enquanto, ainda há aquela sensação de entusiasmo com a novidade, a curiosidade de explorar cada aspecto do sistema novo. Mas algumas coisas já ficaram bem claras. A primeira delas é que o Google Wave deixa muito a desejar no quesito desempenho. Um computador um pouco mais antigo terá dificuldades em lidar com o sistema, que tem um tempo de resposta bem ruim, principalmente levando em conta as suas pretensões.

O sistema de "threads" é bem interessante. Não sei se ele será toda essa revolução que o Google tem alardeado por aí, mas ele certamente vai fazer a diferença. Mas a grande fonte da flexibilidade desse sistema, os gadgets e bots, ainda requerem muito trabalho. Os gadgets nativos do Google até agora funcionaram a contento, embora não tenham demonstrado muita desenvoltura. Os bots, ou gadgets feitos por terceiros, são outra história. Em geral eles mal funcionam, e alguns deles eu não consegui fazer funcionar de jeito nenhum. Boa parte do sucesso do Wave depende deles começarem a funcionar - e a funcionar bem. Não apenas do ponto de vista operacional, mas também em tratando-se simplesmente de adapatar a plataforma do Wave a um "modus operandus" adequado, de maneira a abrir possibilidades para que sistemas diversos possam ser integrados a um mesmo wave.

Ao mesmo tempo, uma das coisas que ficou imediatamente claras é que há certas coisas que foram equivocadamente associadas ao Wave. Por exemplo, não acho que seja possível - nem que faça sentido - integrar Google Reader e Google Wave. Pelo menos, não de maneira direta. Seria interessante um gadget que pudesse pegar um ou dois itens isolados do Reader para servirem como recurso dentro de um wave, mas algo além disso simplesmente não faria sentido.

Mais importante, a integração do Twitter ao Wave é precária, na melhor das hipóteses. Do jeito como está agora isso não poderia ser feito de uma maneira que não fosse impraticável. Isso, claro, supondo que Tweety the Bot funcionasse direito.

Mas, como diz o título ali em cima, estas são apenas primeiras impressões, e faz apenas uns dois dias que estou "na onda". Além disso, por enquanto trata-se apenas de um preview, e por isso tenho certeza de que muita coisa ainda deve mudar conforme o sistema for evoluindo, supondo que os desenvolvedores dêem ouvidos a quem já está "surfando".

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Three years

Yesterday I received word about my PhD. My grant is going to last only for 3 years, which is a considerably short time for a PhD... but, considering that this work is going to be a continuation of work I've done in my masters, it gets a little easier to make it happen in that time.

It's going to be tight, though. That means less time for fooling around and overall procrastination. Also, it is quite possible that a lot of things I wanted to explore will be left out, perhaps to be addressed later on.

That's alright, though. Besides, there's always the possibility for an extension (though I would feel much better if I didn't need one), and my stipend will be quite comfortable, so I can save up a good money for the hard times. 

That said, I will do as Obama told America: get up, dust myself off, and get back to work. And start to wonder where the hell I'm going to be three years from now.

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Finally some good news

At last something good - really good - happened.

My project was granted! Now I do have something official about my PhD - it's an absolute certainty now. 

Ever since I defended my masters last september everything on my life was on hold, waiting for an answer that came not too early. Sure, a lot of things - new things - came up in the last four months. However, even the new things happening were only transient. Since my future was so uncertain I couldn't afford making and following any plans, no matter how many of them I came up with.

Everything is different as of today. Now I can really make up my mind as to what I intend to do with my life for the next four years and stick to it. I can really make plans. But, most importantly, I was given a new opportunity to keep building my professional life, and in an career option as the one I have made, that is very important. I can't say where I'm going to be four years from now. All I can do is my best, and stay alert, on the look out for opportunities. 

They are out there, all I have to do is find them.

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2008

Every year I write down here a short text about what happened during the year and try to draw some conclusions to help me move forward.

2008 was a particularly difficult year. 

To be honest, only one particularly bad thing happened this year, but that was more than enough. 

I defended my masters, my brother got married, my girlfriend achieved her dream of studying abroad. I finally began to feel like I know more than a bunch of useless memorized stuff.

But my father died.

I lost my ground with it. He was everything to me. The standard to which I measured myself as a man. And I still haven't fully recovered.

I'm not sure what to expect of 2009. And sometimes I find it very hard to be hopeful. However, as I have said before in this very blog, perseverance is what keeps hope alive. 

I will draw a deep breath, and persevere.

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Movin' out

After almost three and a half years I finally decided to move out from Daniel's place.

It was about time. Quite frankly, it was actually past time I moved out. I think I got too comfortable living there, and ended up staying longer than I should have. Living together with another person for an extender period of time is a very tricky stunt to pull off. More often than not it is not possible to keep up - small things acquire a tendency of groing out of proportions, and that tendency only grows.

Needless to say, this kind of stuff can end up being very nocive to a friendship. I know for a fact that from now on I have to work on rebuilding mine with Daniel, which got more than a few bruises in that process.

Due to several factors I decided to move back in with my mom. I don't intend to discuss the reasons why I did it, but the one massively responsible is, I think, quite obvious.

So now I am going through the process of reacquainting myself with Itu, and slowly taking back my old bedroom - it doesn't feel the same after all these years. Actually I don't think it ever will. So many things are different from almost ten years ago that there's no way it would get even close to being the same.

There are many details that need to be worked out yet, but in time everything will be on its place.

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Master

I defended my masters last friday.

Everything was absolutely great. In fact I was quite worried because I had a sore throat since the day before, and so there was a chance that I wouldn't have a voice to use in my presentation. However, even though my throat didn't get all better I was able to do it without any further problems.

Also, I'm glad to say that the presentation itself was absolutely flawless. The examining comitee had a few points to make about the dissertation itself, but they were all minor. There were also lots of comments and general questions about stuff related to the work. All in all, however, there were more compliments than any other thing. I was very proud, and so was my advisor.

On a particular note, one of the members of the comitee knew my father from childhood. He made a "statement", so to speak, at the end , in which he expressed personal satisfaction with my defense, since he was involved in my decision to major in Physics.

It almost made me cry, because he remembered my dad in a way that is most cherished by me. But it also made me very happy, because I will never forget that.

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Is a car worth it?

Earlier this year, after more than 9 years, I finally got my driver's license. Since then there has been only one thing I wanted more than anything else: a car.

To be honest, that bugs me. A LOT. Not because I don't think having a car is important, but because I can't help but feel like there are so many things that are more important than that. I'm not even sure what they are, all I know is that they're there.

I think I'm beginning to realize that I'm not gonna live forever, that I'm not gonna be ever 20 years old. And, quite frankly, it scares the crap out of me, because all I can think is what the hell I'm going to do when I finish grad school. Sometimes it feels like walls closing in on me, like I'm trapped in a place which gets harder and harder to escape from. That becomes especially - and painfully - true when I see so many good people, extremely competent professionals, having problems to get a position somewhere. Mostly in this country, which seems not to give a crap to basic research.

I am a reasonably optimistic person, and as such I hope all of this will just pass away, provided I work hard and persevere.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to get something out of my system. I haven't been able to post recently, but that doesn't mean there's nothing going on in my life. Actually, it's the other way around.

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I wanna have Time 5.

Man, I can't believe two weeks have already passed since my last post. Time is running fast this year.

To think that in about two months I'll be defending my masters is a bit frightening, to be honest. I'm not sure I'm prepared for that, and there is still a lot to do.

At least now I don't have any more data to collect. All I have to do is write write write write write. And then write some more.

I've been practicing a lot on the guitar, and a few tunes are beginning to come out of the amp; although they are not THAT good - they are actually very simple songs used for practice - at least it's something. A month ago I wouldn't have been able to do even that. There is still a long way before I can do anything for real. And, to be honest, practice can be very frustrating sometimes.

I realize that frustration is actually part of the process, and therefore I will keep trying. The more difficulty I have, the more I will practice. That's the way I believe we may overcome difficulties.

In other news, my field exam for obtaining my driver's license in on next wednesday. I feel fully prepared and, to be honest, I'm very confident. In the classes I've had so far I really learned more than just enough to be approved; I learned a bit of how to really drive - out on the street, in traffic, having to withstand other (usually less careful, less educated) drivers. Surely, the fact that the car had the sign "driving school" on its side may have made a difference on other people's behavior (which is frankly quite hypocrite). But even so, it was not a futile exercise.

All in all, everything seems to be going well. I just need to pay a little more attention to my dissertation - it needs a lot of work.

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Lack of planning

I hate it when people do not plan ahead.

My PIXE studies for my masters are linked to other studies by other people with other objectives. A scientific initiation student from the Chemistry Institute, is one of them.

She's planning on attending a congress on thermal analysis in september, and the abstract submission deadline is May 5.

The problem: she only called me to ask for PIXE results last friday.

I have to say, that's not how it works. I didn't know she would need those data. That's because she didn't bother explaining that to me. I actually never had any idea about what the hell she wanted with my data - only that she and her advisor kept bugging me about them. For all I knew, I was going to be the only one directly using those data.

What really ticks me off is that her lack of planning is causing me stress, because that's the way I react to that sort of things. From where I stand, she's likely to miss the deadline. And that's a VERY frustrating perspective.

I can't say I don't care about her work, but if something goes wrong and she misses the deadline, I will not be upset.

This time, the noob was not me.

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Not... screwed?

Ok, I may have overreacted in my last post. Turns out, I'm not as screwed as I thought I was. Electron density mapping is a very complicated thing to do, and my advisor decided to leave it out of the work for now.

But she did want to do it when we first talked about it... oh well.

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Oh fuck.

I'm screwed. Big time.

I had MONTHS do to something, and I didn't. The only excuse I have is that I don't even know where to begin to do something like what I had to do.

Anyway, I'm screwed. Big time.

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Learn less, do more

I don't really have an idea for this post. I suppose this time of the year it should be about evaluating the year, pondering good and bad things that happened.

I made a lot of progress with my work. Not the amount I would consider ideal, though - I've procrastinated an awful lot this year. I'm also running late with my dissertation - I should have it almost complete by now if I had really begun writing it several months ago, like I was telling myself over and over.

I also made a lot of mistakes. I do not complain about them, though, because I tend to see mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow. But I really wish I could "learn" a bit less in 2008...

I failed (again) to begin some serious running. I also failed to get my driver's license.

However, despite this year's less than satisfying progress, I am satisfied with other things I accomplished this year. The first and foremost is swimming. I finally overcame years and years of apathy and learned how to swim with a minimal level of decency.

All in all, I don't think 2007 has been too kind to me. I had a LOT of problems with banks. I procrastinated too much. I failed to exercise my discipline.

Looking at the bright side, when I look back there's a lot of good results to gather, and it actually looks like I've been produtive this year. I just wish I were more efficient.

For 2008, there's a lot to be done. For starters, my dissertation and defense, which I want to happen before April. I need to get a PhD going, after that. I want to get my driver's license. I also want to be able to show my friends how much I appreciate them.

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Serious people are rare around here.

Today's distance: 0 meters.
Yesterday's distance: 0 meters.

Yesterday the heavens fell apart, and it rained all the day. It wasn't even nearly possible to swim, so I didn't go.

Today, with an awful lot of stuff to do, I didn't go either. Although I'm thinking about going later, since my work for the day is done, I'll post 0 meters now since I have the tendency to postpone everything.

A piece of advice to you kids: never depend on people you don't trust if you want to work near the holidays. Especially around here, where everyone goes to incredible lengths to avoid working. I was supposed to still have a lot of work to do today, but I'll have to do it tomorrow because someone decided it was a good moment to party.

Parties are strange things around here. With all the bickering that goes on between the six departments on the Institute, each one traditionally decides to make its own end-of-the-year party - the direction of the institute, of course, obliviously arranges for a general party as well. As a result, everyone attends two parties: one on each department and another for the whole Institute.

The serious people keep working. But, I'm sad to say, they are few.

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Spooky

My advisor has just scared the shit out of me. She sent me an email asking me to write an abstract for a meeting I didn't remember about. 

The good thing is, I did know about it and I did make my registration. And I did send my abstract - exactly the one my advisor asked me to write. Actually, I'm not sure why my advisor asked me to do that, I think she's probably under some stress and didn't remember us submitting it more than a month ago. Actually, it was even a troublesome submission. 

I sent her my answer, telling her that we have already made the registration and submitted the abstract. This actually makes me feel a bit odd, since usually it's me who doesn't remember stuff.

Actually, I've been feeling a lot more confident about my work. In part, it's because my advisor has been praising my work recently. But it's also because I'm much more self-assured about things I have to know and do. I am feeling a bit guilty, however, mostly because I haven't done a lot of productive work in the past few weeks. I do have to work on my dissertation - I have been claiming to be writing for some time now. It's time I make it true.

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Jinxed

I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm jinxed somehow.

Now seriously, I don't know what happens that something always goes wrong for me. Maybe I'm doing something the wrong way, or perhaps I'm failing to notice some obvious detail that makes everything go out of control.

The fact is, Murphy's Law seems to be stronger around me lately. A lot of things that shouldn't go wrong to terribly wrong.

This is not a kind of generic post - it's actually about something that happened to me very recently, although I'm keeping that to myself.

But what really bugs me is that, although everything is going to be alright, I'm still feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing. Something is out of place.

Besides that, there's a lot of things going on. Not only there are new and exciting experiments to run, but now I'm going to do some programming, too (electronic density maps, your time is about to come!). Also, I finally began to understand a lot of things about my work, and all of a sudden everything started to make much more sense.

There's nothing like following references...

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Today is THE day.

Hello everyone.

After a long, long, long while I've logged in to blogger once again to write another post. It's been a while, although there is no good reason whatsoever for me to have taken so long to do this.

There's a lot of things I want to write about, but unfortunately they will have to wait. Right now I'm making measurements that comprise almost all the data I need for the work in my masters degree. After this, I will be left only with some data analysis and writing my d**********n.

I only hope that the worst problems that could have appeared already did so. The ones I faced earlier this morning trying to set up the experiment were already almost unrecoverable... all I want right now is to have a long, nice day of productive work, without any further problems.

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