In favor of consistency

Since I came back from Europe I have been discovering some things about people and about myself that are making some difference on the way I try to live my life.

For one, I realized the obvious - World of Warcraft was consuming my life. Don't get me wrong, the game is awesome, and I love playing it. Also, I met a few amazing people while playing it. However, it's too addictive, and the last thing I need right now is a game with which I end up spending 5-6 hours every day (in-game and otherwise). There is a lot going on in my life and I really can't afford it. My PhD is picking up the pace, I'm trying to reconstruct a few links I lost in the past few months, and quite frankly I need some consistency in my overall way of life.

And consistency is what I realized I needed when I came back. While adapting myself to my current time zone I managed to achieve a decent sleep schedule (even though it isn't a 28-hour day). Before my sleep was somewhat erratic, partly due to my WoW habits. Now I'm usually asleep before midnight and up at 6h30 or so. I have time to properly wake up, take a shower, have a decent breakfast (pretty decent actually, considering the price I pay for it) and get to work before 9 AM (usually way before that, actually). Also, I manage to spend less time on overall procrastination and get some work done. After that things still get a little fuzzy until the end of the afternoon, but I'm working on that. Then I go home, relax for a little bit, do some reading, practice with my guitar, and the day is over.

I can't say it is perfect, but it is certainly way better than what I've been doing before. And, even if I still don't have every hour of the day planned out, it's actually way more than I have ever managed to get done in a spontaneous way. And I'm proud of it, because this helps me get some work done, which in turn gives me that nice accomplishment feeling we get from getting things done, which motivates me to keep on doing this. It's a virtuous circle I'm intent on not only keeping alive but enhancing.

I guess all I needed to get this working was a little motivation - and on this trip to Finland I got all the motivation I needed, and then some. Keeping certain bonds alive is paramount to my plans for the future, and I'm glad I realized that before it was too late.

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De volta.

Cheguei hoje de viagem. Agora o que tenho pela frente é me readaptar ao fuso horário e seguir com o meu trabalho.

Essa viagem foi importante por tantos motivos que não dá nem pra enumerar. O primeiro deles foi matar uma saudade que estava me torturando há dez meses. O curioso é que, agora que estou de volta, nunca essa saudade foi tão forte, nem nunca doeu tanto.

O segundo foi restaurar, pelo menos em parte, algo de que eu não cuidei como deveria - um erro pelo qual quase paguei caro (demais). Para ser honesto, ainda existe aquele pequeno "gremlin" lá no fundo da minha consciência gritando enlouquecido, me perturbando de uma maneira que eu nunca achei que fosse possível. A verdade é que a perspectiva que enfrentei foi terrível, algo que não consigo descrever. A lição que tiro disso é que nunca devemos ter o amor como algo garantido, que vá resistir a qualquer teste que apareça. Ele tem que ser cultivado, alimentado. E tudo o que fazemos ou dizemos conta. No meio do turbilhão em que me encontrava, quase me esqueci disso e pus tudo a perder. E sei que terei pesadelos por muito tempo.

O terceiro foi finalmente perceber que, por mais que o mundo seja um lugar grande, pessoas sempre serão pessoas, educadas ou não, alegres ou não, sem distinções. E que há mais que o velho esquema "escola-cinema-clube-televisão".

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