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Monday, January 19, 2009

A moment of reflection

Your priorities define the kind of person you are.

Your methods define if you are good enough for them.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Já vai tarde.

Very good things happened in 2008.

But I'm not gonna miss that year. Not anytime soon.

Anyway, Happy New Year.

Monday, December 29, 2008

2008

Every year I write down here a short text about what happened during the year and try to draw some conclusions to help me move forward.
2008 was a particularly difficult year. 

To be honest, only one particularly bad thing happened this year, but that was more than enough. 

I defended my masters, my brother got married, my girlfriend achieved her dream of studying abroad. I finally began to feel like I know more than a bunch of useless memorized stuff.

But my father died.

I lost my ground with it. He was everything to me. The standard to which I measured myself as a man. And I still haven't fully recovered.

I'm not sure what to expect of 2009. And sometimes I find it very hard to be hopeful. However, as I have said before in this very blog, perseverance is what keeps hope alive. 

I will draw a deep breath, and persevere.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Movin' out

After almost three and a half years I finally decided to move out from Daniel's place.

It was about time. Quite frankly, it was actually past time I moved out. I think I got too comfortable living there, and ended up staying longer than I should have. Living together with another person for an extender period of time is a very tricky stunt to pull off. More often than not it is not possible to keep up - small things acquire a tendency of groing out of proportions, and that tendency only grows.

Needless to say, this kind of stuff can end up being very nocive to a friendship. I know for a fact that from now on I have to work on rebuilding mine with Daniel, which got more than a few bruises in that process.

Due to several factors I decided to move back in with my mom. I don't intend to discuss the reasons why I did it, but the one massively responsible is, I think, quite obvious.

So now I am going through the process of reacquainting myself with Itu, and slowly taking back my old bedroom - it doesn't feel the same after all these years. Actually I don't think it ever will. So many things are different from almost ten years ago that there's no way it would get even close to being the same.

There are many details that need to be worked out yet, but in time everything will be on its place.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

1 mês.

A gratidão é essa alegria da memória, esse amor do passado - não o sofrimento do que não é mais, nem o pesar do que foi. É o tempo reencontrado, se quisermos. Compreendemos que esse tempo torna a idéia da morte indiferente, como dirá Proust, pois aquilo que vivemos, a própria morte, que nos levará, não poderia tomar de nós: são bens imortais, diz Epicuro, não porque não morremos, mas porque a morte não poderia anular o que vivemos, o que fugidia e definitivamente vivemos. A morte só nos privará do futuro, que não é. A gratidão liberta-nos dele, pelo saber alegre do que foi. O reconhecimento é um conhecimento (ao passo que a esperança nada mais é que uma imaginação); é por aí que ela alcança a verdade, que é eterna, e a habita. Gratidão: desfrutar eternidade.

Isso não nos restituirá o passado, objetar-se-á Epicuro, nem o que perdemos... Sem dúvida, mas quem pode fazê-lo? A gratidão não anula o luto, consuma-o: “É necessário curar os infortúnios com a lembrança reconhecida do que perdemos, e pelo saber de que não é possível tornar não-consumado o que aconteceu.” Pode haver formulação mais bela do trabalho do luto? Trata-se de aceitar o que é, portanto, também o que não é mais, e de amá-lo como tal, em sua verdade, em sua eternidade: trata-se de passar da dor atroz da perda à doçura da lembrança, do luto a consumar ao luto consumado, da amputação à aceitação, do sofrimento à alegria, do amor dilacerado ao amor apaziguado. “Doce é a lembrança do amigo desaparecido”, dizia Epicuro – a gratidão é essa própria doçura, quando se torna alegre. No entanto, no sofrimento é mais forte primeiro: “Que terrível ele ter morrido!” Como poderíamos aceitar? Por isso o luto é necessário, por isso é difícil, por isso é doloroso. Mas a alegria retorna, apesar dos pesares: “Que bom ele ter vivido!” Trabalho do luto: trabalho da gratidão.

André Comte-Sponville

Monday, September 29, 2008

Master

I defended my masters last friday.

Everything was absolutely great. In fact I was quite worried because I had a sore throat since the day before, and so there was a chance that I wouldn't have a voice to use in my presentation. However, even though my throat didn't get all better I was able to do it without any further problems.

Also, I'm glad to say that the presentation itself was absolutely flawless. The examining comitee had a few points to make about the dissertation itself, but they were all minor. There were also lots of comments and general questions about stuff related to the work. All in all, however, there were more compliments than any other thing. I was very proud, and so was my advisor.

On a particular note, one of the members of the comitee knew my father from childhood. He made a "statement", so to speak, at the end , in which he expressed personal satisfaction with my defense, since he was involved in my decision to major in Physics.

It almost made me cry, because he remembered my dad in a way that is most cherished by me. But it also made me very happy, because I will never forget that.

Friday, September 19, 2008

My father.

The last time I spoke to my dad was about ten days ago. He was getting better from his illness (he suffered from idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, a disease that slowly deteriorates the lungs with no chance of recovery), enough for the hospital to consider sending him home. But, as it turns out, I was the last person to talk to him. Ever.

We talked about many things. Family, friends, grad school, the Higgs boson...

But I can't help but think that I never said that I loved him, very much, enough times. I am sure he knew that, but this feeling never goes away.

Of all the people who were part of my life until now, he was the one person who was responsible for me being who I am today. He was the one person I looked up to the most.

With him I learned the facts of life. That life is much more than the endless pursuit of money or knowledge or love or anything. That life must be lived to the fullest. And that one only accomplishes that by taking the most out of every moment. "Carpe diem" was his message.

Most of all, the one thing I am going to miss most is the unshakable faith he had in me. For every moment in my whole life, good or bad, he was always there. He was always the first one to support me, regardless of the situation. I always knew I could count on him. And, whenever the outlook on things seemed dark, he would say: "don't worry, be happy". And, like magic, all problems suddenly became no more than a footnote.

He was human, though. And, as such, he made a lot of mistakes. To me the really important thing is that, no matter what, he always aimed for the best and never gave up.

From now on, whenever I have difficulties in life, I won't worry. I'll be happy, because the memory of my father will remain with me. And I will remember that I'm human, and that most certainly I will make a lot of mistakes. But I will always aim for the best, and I will never give up.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

24 hours.

Tomorrow my girlfriend leaves for Finland.

She's going to be away for three years to do her PhD. Although the possibility existed ever since I first met her, it only became real abou two months ago when she finally got accepted.

I have to admit that part of me was kinda hoping she wouldn't get it. I do not need to be reminded that it was narrow-minded and selfish, to say the least. It's the opportunity of a lifetime.

When she first me told me I kept silent for a long time before saying anything. Not because I was mad or anything, but because I was in shock. I'm not sure why - all I know is that there's something about long-distance relationships that really freaks me out. I can't tell what it is. I know people who were in LDRs before - some of those worked out and some didn't. One way or another, I know for a fact that it's very difficult, especially for someone as paranoid as I am. I think that's an issue I will have to learn how to deal with.

Of all the problems I am facing these days this is the one I should not be worrying about, because both of us are quite sure about how we feel about each other and are committed to making it work. I have problems that have absolutely not a chance to be solbed quickly or easily, since they require both patience and perseverance, not to mention all the help I can get.

But she's all I can think about.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Is a car worth it?

Earlier this year, after more than 9 years, I finally got my driver's license. Since then there has been only one thing I wanted more than anything else: a car.

To be honest, that bugs me. A LOT. Not because I don't think having a car is important, but because I can't help but feel like there are so many things that are more important than that. I'm not even sure what they are, all I know is that they're there.

I think I'm beginning to realize that I'm not gonna live forever, that I'm not gonna be ever 20 years old. And, quite frankly, it scares the crap out of me, because all I can think is what the hell I'm going to do when I finish grad school. Sometimes it feels like walls closing in on me, like I'm trapped in a place which gets harder and harder to escape from. That becomes especially - and painfully - true when I see so many good people, extremely competent professionals, having problems to get a position somewhere. Mostly in this country, which seems not to give a crap to basic research.

I am a reasonably optimistic person, and as such I hope all of this will just pass away, provided I work hard and persevere.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to get something out of my system. I haven't been able to post recently, but that doesn't mean there's nothing going on in my life. Actually, it's the other way around.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Chafé Imperialista my ass!

Eu já vi gente idiota. Mas o tal de Luís Antônio Giron é páreo duro.

Com uma coluninha besta no Destak (reproduzida ao lado porque o site do Destak é uma porcaria) ele tentou se fazer de entendido em café falando um monte de bobagem sobre um café que ele obviamente não experimentou. Coisa que ele próprio já afirmou, ao dizer que se recusa "a entrar nesses lugares que profanam a genuína arte de sorver o cafezinho".

Eu confesso que, logo que fiquei sabendo da abertura da Starbucks no Brasil, fiquei preocupado, porque afinal o tal "chafé" é mesmo coisa de americano. E eu gosto de café bem forte. Mas essas dúvidas sumiram assim que experimentei o café deles, que, apesar de não ser o café mais forte de São Paulo, é muito bom.

De fato, o que me agrada na Starbucks não é apenas o café, mas também o atendimento e o ambiente, que são muito agradáveis. Se o que esse babaca chama de imperialismo é atender com educação e um sorriso, se é oferecer um sofá confortável para o cliente se sentar enquanto aprecia a bebida, se é oferecer degustações dos diversos tipos de café oferecidos pela loja, então que venha o Imperialismo!

Mas, como eu digo, gosto é que nem cu: cada um tem o seu e todo mundo gosta de meter o pau no dos outros.

Se o Giron prefere, como diz, o café em copo sujo de boteco, azar o dele. Eu vou continuar passando nos Imerialistas (Starbucks e Havanna, que se espalhem mais e mais) sempre que puder. E os neuro-xenófobos que se fodam.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

(good/bad/nothing) year

Back in new year's eve, six and a half months ago, I had this funny feeling that this year was not really going to be a great one.

Since then a lot has happened. Both good and bad things came up, and a strange, bitter-sweet feeling was already beginning to settle.

My intention here was to write about many things that are happening that I have to handle one way or another. But right now, even though moments like this are the best for me to sit down and write some good stuff, I'm not really in the mood, because there's still a lot going around in my mind and I'm still not sure what's gonna happen next.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Se você ri agora...

...no fim das contas é melhor você calar a boca.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Injustiça.

E o campeão da Copa do Brasil é:

Alício Pena Junior

Isso mesmo, o árbitro. Esse FILHO DA PUTA ajudou o Corinthians a dar a Copa de graça para o Sport. Impedimentos inexistentes, faltas que não aconteceram, cartões que não foram dados.

Tudo isso, aliado à performance PATÉTICA do Corinthians, fez do Sport o campeão. Porque, vamos combinar, esse time é uma merda.

E o Corinthians fez o jogo do Sport desde o início. Caiu direitinho nas armações dos pernambucanos. E não estou falando de jogo. Estou falando da incompetência do juiz, que cometeu erro atrás de erro. Estou falando da inocência de Mano Menezes, que mostrara tão bem a sua qualidade, fazendo do Corinthians um time vencedor que dominou completamente o Sport no Morumbi, que dirigiu mal a equipe e não soube prever o comportamento do adversário. Estou falando do nervosismo patético dos jogadores, que não souberam manter a calma e jogaram como se fossem um time de várzea, sem querer saber de armar jogadas, dando chute pra frente. "Bola pro mato que o jogo é de campeonato" não funciona, porra!

O pior de tudo não é ter perdido o campeonato. É aquele FILHO DA PUTA do Carlinhos Bala, aquele trocinho de bosta, que saiu limpo com as merdas que andou falando. Wellington Saci foi expulso à toa. Se era pra ser expulso, que pelo menos quebrasse esse palhaço no meio.

Sport causando na final

Isso tudo é medo da torcida corinthiana?

O Sport disponibilizou menos ingressos que o número que se é obrigado por lei a vender para os torcedores do time visitante. A caravana corinthiana para Recife corre o risco de não entrar do estádio.

E aí me vem o presidente do Sport dizendo que seremos tratados lá como eles foram tratados aqui. Ora, vá à merda. Aquele cocozinho de torcida nem sequer ocupou todo o setor destinado a eles, e eles ficam reclamando??

Isso é tudo cortina de fumaça. Eles SABEM que o Corinthians é o melhor time. E não estou falando isso porque sou corinthiano, qualquer um que viu o jogo de quarta-feira passada sabe disso.

Verdade seja dita, o Sport é um time pequeno. E está tentando aparecer do jeito errado.

2x1 hoje à noite. E nem importa pra quem!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Stadium Arcadium, pt. 2

Acabo de chegar do Morumbi. Puta jogo, berrei até ficar rouco e aí continuei berrando.

O jogo começou bem, em pouco tempo o Corinthians fez 2x0 e a gente pensou que seria uma goleada histórica.

Mas aí o time desanimou, começou a esperar pelo contra-ataque, e Felipe começou a trabalhar. E o Sport começou a ganhar espaço. Ainda assim, o Corinthians estava melhor em campo, então não deu muita chance. Na verdade, quase que o Herrera faz o terceiro, se não errasse um gol inerrável... mas enfim.

Aí veio o segundo tempo. O time voltou menos audacioso, esperando o Sport atacar. Num contra-ataque veio o terceiro gol.

Mas o Sport melhorou muito no segundo tempo. Começou a pressionar, fez Felipe trabalhar de verdade. Quando o juiz anunciou 3 minutos de acréscimo, todo mundo relaxou, achando que estava no fim. E aí, num erro do árbitro, o Sport teve a chance que queria e fez o gol de honra. Bosta. Gol fora de casa vale mais.

No fim das contas, pensando bem esse gol do Sport foi bom pra dar uma chacoalhada no povo. Já estavam cantando "é campeão", como se tivessem esquecido do jogo em Recife. Foi bom pra deixar todo mundo esperto.

Infelizmente, não posso ir pra Recife. Quarta que vem, torço em casa mesmo.

===========
PS: Ficou faltando a epopéia para conseguir o ingresso. 6 horas debaixo de frio e chuva no domingo, mais umas duas na segunda, pagar o dobro do esperado, entre outras agruras. Mas valeu a pena.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Indiana Jones e a Caveira de Cristal

Assisti o filme novo do Indiana Jones no último sábado. Fantástico! Está à altura dos três filmes anteriores, com direito a participação especial da Arca da Aliança, bem no comecinho do filme. E da filha do professor.
A única coisa que me incomodou nesse filme foi o final. Ficou "Spielbergiano" demais. Pra variar, Steven Spielberg não tem noção nenhuma e acaba fazendo merda no final. Não foi suficiente pra estragar o filme, mas chegou perto.
Fora isso, tem umas surpresas legais no filme e, no geral, mantém o clima dos outros filmes. Eu gostei bastante e pretendo assistir de novo.

Fato curioso foi a queda de energia no meio do filme. Perto do final, a energia caiu e o cinema ficou uns minutos às escuras. Uma funcionária do Cinemark veio avisar que já iam recomeçar o filme de onde tinha parado. Pouco depois, o filme recomeçou, mas não do mesmo ponto, e sim de um ponto um pouco mais à frente. Foi o suficiente pra ninguém prestar atenção mais no filme pra ficar xingando o projecionista por mais uns 5 minutos. Idiotice, porque não se rebobina uma fita assim.

De qualquer maneira, na saída a gerência do cinema já estava preparada para devolver o dinheiro ou dar outro ingresso pra quem ainda estivesse com o bilhete. Obviamente, teve uns imbecis que acharam que seria mais produtivo fazer escândalo. Afinal, eles são brasileiros.

===============
Pequeno adendo: o zelador de Scrubs ficou muito bom :P

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Stadium Arcadium

Ontem o Corinthians se classificou para a final da Copa do Brasil.


Há tempos que eu não me envolvia tanto com uma partida de futebol. A última vez que fiquei grudado assim na TV assistindo o jogo e passando mal de nervoso foi acho que em 98, na final do Brasileiro. Por algum motivo, desde então eu havia perdido grande parte do meu interesse em acompanhar o futebol. Provavelmente foi a baixaria que rola solta nos bastidores, a falta de organização e a falta de profisisonalismo dos dirigentes brasileiros.


Mas, desde que fui assistir a São Paulo x Internacional no Morumbi, no ano passado, esse interesse aos poucos vem aumentando novamente. Desde então tenho tentado ir ao estádio, sem sucesso. Ontem foi mais uma dessas ocasiões. Só não estive presente ao jogo porque não consegui chegar antes de os ingressos terem acabado.


Mas, agora, tem a final.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Debian, APT and gpg keys

For quite some time now Debian's repositories have been relying on gpg keys to ensure the authenticity and integrity of their packages.

One thing no one had the decency of explaining is how to get a certain repository's key into one's "trusted ring" so apt won't complain when downloading packages from there.

Well, I'm going to go right to the point and tell exactly what to do.

  1. Add the repository's address to sources.list (if you have any doubts try man 5 sources.list)
  2. Reload the package lists (through "apt-get update" or Synaptic's "Reload"). It will complain about not having the key to the repository. In that complaint, it will show you the ID of the repository. Write down the last 8 digits of it.
  3. With this information in hands, you're able to download that repository's key using the following command (replace XXXXXXXX with the number you wrote down):
  4. gpg --keyserver wwwkeys.eu.pgp.net --recv-keys XXXXXXXX
  5. Now all you have to do is to import that key into apt's key database:
  6. gpg --armor --export XXXXXXXX | apt-key add -
  7. And you're done. Now run refresh the package lists again and apt won't bug you anymore.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Driving Permission in a week

Now it's official. I'm a licensed driver. I passed the exam almost flawlessly, the only mistake I made was forgetting to use the flasher once.

All in all, it was pretty easy, actually. Easier than I expected, though, to be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect. Anyway I was very calm and relaxed and, as I mentioned before, I was very confident I would not fail. Now I believe that the only factor that's really measured with some significance is one's serenity. The course is very easy - actually, I'm convinced that it's too easy. And, from what I've seen, people who failed the exam was really nervous about it. I confess I was nervous, too, but I was able to control it and not to make a fool of myself.

Now in a week or so I will have my provisional license (around here new drivers get a provisional license for a year before getting a definitive one) and will be officially looking for a car.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

I wanna have Time 5.

Man, I can't believe two weeks have already passed since my last post. Time is running fast this year.

To think that in about two months I'll be defending my masters is a bit frightening, to be honest. I'm not sure I'm prepared for that, and there is still a lot to do.

At least now I don't have any more data to collect. All I have to do is write write write write write. And then write some more.

I've been practicing a lot on the guitar, and a few tunes are beginning to come out of the amp; although they are not THAT good - they are actually very simple songs used for practice - at least it's something. A month ago I wouldn't have been able to do even that. There is still a long way before I can do anything for real. And, to be honest, practice can be very frustrating sometimes.

I realize that frustration is actually part of the process, and therefore I will keep trying. The more difficulty I have, the more I will practice. That's the way I believe we may overcome difficulties.

In other news, my field exam for obtaining my driver's license in on next wednesday. I feel fully prepared and, to be honest, I'm very confident. In the classes I've had so far I really learned more than just enough to be approved; I learned a bit of how to really drive - out on the street, in traffic, having to withstand other (usually less careful, less educated) drivers. Surely, the fact that the car had the sign "driving school" on its side may have made a difference on other people's behavior (which is frankly quite hypocrite). But even so, it was not a futile exercise.

All in all, everything seems to be going well. I just need to pay a little more attention to my dissertation - it needs a lot of work.